marriage counseling

You’ve Just Had a Big Fight…

You and your spouse just had a huge fight. You’re absolutely sure you’re in the right and most likely your spouse feels the same way. You have a few options:

  1. You could continue fighting.
  2. You could stop fighting and let the upset simmer for awhile (maybe days or weeks).
  3. You could both take a walk around the block (each in the opposite direction) until the two of you are extroverted from the upset.

I’m going to recommend Option Number 3.

When two people are very upset, it’s difficult to resolve things from that very upset state of mind. If the two of you take a walk around the block, the idea is to walk long enough until you are “extroverted” from the upset. In other words, you’ve popped out of the upset and you no longer want to strangle your spouse. While on this walk, each of you needs to put your attention on things in your external environment: look at plants, trees, houses, other people, clouds, etc. Put your attention on things outside of you and this will produce an extroversion from the upset. And, as mentioned, each of you goes a different direction on this walk.

When the two of you have successfully completed this walk, you can then sit down and take a fresh look at what’s upsetting both of you.

Do not underestimate the effectiveness of this “walk.” I can absolutely assure you it will put the two of you in a better position to resolve the upset before it gets too far out of hand (or goes onto the backburner where both of you stay upset for awhile).

In my book, When the Thrill Is Gone, additional procedures are given to resolve marital upsets. There is also an entire chapter to help people get over the loss and upset of a previous relationship that didn’t end well. The eBook version of this book is currently available at no charge.

Our Purpose

The purpose of this site is to help YOUR marriage succeed. I define a “successful marriage” in this way:

• The husband and wife are in excellent communication with each other.

• They are able to use communication to resolve disagreements; upsets do not linger.

• They thoroughly enjoy each other’s company and are eager to spend time with each other.

• Both partners are creating a future together.

• The passion and excitement are at a high level.

This site provides ideas, tools, and advice to help you achieve the above. And because a successful marriage depends on our children doing well, we’ll provide tips to help you with the kids.

Having a successful marriage is incredibly important. Yet over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. And many married couples painfully continue on with an unhappy marriage.

Why does a marriage start out so bright, so full of hope and promise and over time lose its passion and excitement? Do people just “fall out of love?”

These and many other questions about marriage will be answered here. I realize that’s a bold statement, so let me make a suggestion: Become familiar with the tools and advice we offer here. Look over the different posts and see if they give you new insights.

Read some of the articles and subscribe to our free weekly marriage quotes.

The information in my marriage book has helped thousands of couples improve and even save their marriage!

Having a successful marriage is VERY important.

Yours,
Stan Dubin

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