Goals – Marriage Success

Two Young Actors Find Love

My local paper had a sweet article about two young actors, Gabi Guinta and Taylor Simmons, who grew up on opposite sides of the U.S., but managed to find each other...on stage!

I particularly liked the final few paragraphs:

"When you say you love someone, you're telling them that no matter what happens, you're always going to be there for them and you're always going to support them and encourage them to pursue their dreams," Gabi said.

"I trust her completely," said Taylor. "We always have each other's backs. We just need to look into each other's eyes and be like, 'We got this.' "

"Now we just have to figure out life," Gabi laughed. "But with him, it's going to be okay."

Good stuff!

Are Some Marriages Doomed to Fail?

No relationship is “doomed” to fail. I believe each person, through his decisions and actions, determines how happy and fulfilling his life will be. And I believe this holds true for married couples. I’m not big on fate or astrology. I’m big on personal responsibility.

Now, having said that, if two people with very little in common, who have spent very little time together race off to Vegas and get married, the chances of their marriage succeeding are not as great as the couple that has taken the time to know each other and who share many things in common.

I’m not against people meeting and having such a compassionate first week that they are absolutely compelled to tie the knot right away. I find that exceptionally adventurous. And I would never say such a couple is “doomed” to fail. With the right tools, every marriage can succeed.

How much should one know about a possible spouse-to-be prior to getting married? That depends on what each person considers important. Religion is extremely important to some and completely insignificant to others. Some consider opposing political beliefs a deal-breaker. How about each person’s ambition? Does the wife-to-be wish to have a full-fledged career and perhaps a child 15 years down the road? Does the husband-to-be want to continue in his current job that takes him out of town two weeks of every month?

It’s probably a good idea to talk over the main issues. The more things you share in common, the more points of agreement (and strength) you’ll have going in.

What if you’re married and you didn’t take the time to really sort these things out? Not to worry. It’s never too late to communicate. There is an earlier post on married couples setting goals. That will help.

A successful marriage is based on a few very key fundamentals. One of these is communication. The answer is always going to be in the area of more communication, not less.

Have You and Your Spouse Set Goals?

Whether you’ve just come from your honeymoon, or you’ve been married many years, a key ingredient to a successful marriage is setting goals.

As a couple, where do you want to be in five years? Ten years? Thirty years?

Those are of course long term goals, but you can also sit down and discuss what you’d like to accomplish in the next month or by your next wedding anniversary.

There are a few things to consider when setting goals:

You want to discuss mutual goals, those things that the two of you together can accomplish as a team.

You want to include individual goals, what each of you personally wants to achieve in the desired time period,

Look at the mutual goals and the individual goals and work them over so they are in alignment with each other.

List out real and doable steps that will move each of you and the marriage in the direction of attaining each goal.

Review your goals regularly. Discuss ways to improve progress. Talk about eliminating things that get in the way of achieving short and long term goals.

Set goals that are attainable.

When you achieve a goal, no matter how short term or seemingly insignificant, reward yourselves. Do something to acknowledge the achievement. Enjoy the win of having set a goal and attained it. This actually makes it easier to achieve the next one!

Setting and achieving goals can very definitely help a marriage succeed!