Five Pressing Questions About Marriage…And Their Answers!

I've put together a free report that answers five pressing questions people have asked about marriage.

If you apply this information to your marriage, your marriage will improve.​ You may even see striking improvements.

Click the link below for the report. (No email address needed)

You will be sent to a page when you can save the report to your computer.​

8 Ways to Improve Your Marriage Today!

I think you’ll agree with me when I say:

Love is a verb.

To make your spouse feel loved, we need to DO loving things for them.

Too many couples tend to forget that.

But you can start making a difference in your marriage today:

My friend Elizabeth Davis from RelationshipsAdvice.co created this wonderful infographic on “8 Scientfic Ways To Improve Your Marriage Today”.


RelationshipsAdvice.co

You don’t need to do all of them, of course.

It’s enough if you just start with one little thing today.

Leave a quick comment and let me know what you’re going to do today to improve your marriage.

Even if it’s just saying “Thank You” to your spouse.

The Power of “Thank You”

How often have you heard this advice:

Take a few seconds in your marriage—or any relationship for that matter—and simply say "Thank you."

I imagine you've heard that suggestion a few times. So, let me ask you a fairly blunt question:

How many times in the past week did you say "Thank you" to your husband or wife? ​

For those of you who frequently—and sincerely—thank your spouse, here is a "high five!"

We seem to have so much to do these days and so many other things on our minds to also get done, we do not take the time to do some of the "little" but powerful things to improve our relationships.

Your spouse cooks a great dinner. You could give her (or him) a fast "thanks" at the end of the meal, or you could stand up and get right up in front of her (or him) and say, "Thank you, honey, for that wonderful dinner!"

​When your spouse reaches over and hands you the salt or the newspaper or an item of clothing, you could take for granted that simple act OR you could say, "Thanks" and include a big smile! Did that take long? Did we lose any time in our hectic day when we said "thank you" and meant it?

Of course not.

It's the intention here that counts.

Do we want to demonstrate to our spouse that we appreciate them and appreciate ​what they do? Hopefully yes.  

A very simple way to do this is with a frequent use of the two words "Thank you" ...and feel free to throw in a big smile as a bonus. 

There are many ways to say "Thank you." The husband brings her wife flowers and the wife wonders "what's the occasion?"​ The husband says, "just wanted to say thank you for all of the wonderful things you do."

The wife cooks a completely off the charts dinner one night and the husband here wants to know what the occasion is. The wife simply lets him know how much she appreciates him and everything he does! ​

My apologies to any readers who feel I've stereotyped men and women here by these last two examples—but I give these solely as examples of expressing appreciation.

Here's my very strong belief:

The more often you and your spouse find sincere ways to communicate your "thanks" to each other, the brighter your marriage will be.​

Can Watching Movies Help Your Marriage?

Movies

Here is an excerpt of an article I just read:

A new study finds that watching and discussing movies about relationships is as effective in lowering divorce rates as other, more intensive early marriage counseling programs.

Discussing five movies about relationships over a month could cut the three-year divorce rate for newlyweds in half, researchers report. The study, involving 174 couples, is the first long-term investigation to compare different types of early marriage intervention programs.

The findings show that an inexpensive, fun, and relatively simple movie-and-talk approach can be just as effective as other more intensive therapist-led methods — reducing the divorce or separation rate from 24 to 11 percent after three years.

My view of this is very simple.

Anything that gets you and your spouse (or significant other) communicating about your relationship is valid “therapy.” Obviously communicating involves letting your partner communicate fully, listening to them and acknowledging them.

THE NUMBER ONE Reason Relationships Fail

I realize it’s a bold statement to say THE NUMBER ONE reason relationships fail has been located. Well, it has been located and thousands are using this information to dramatically improve their relationships.

Before I get into it, let me tell you briefly about myself. My name is Stan Dubin and I live in Clearwater, Florida.

I run a national counseling firm that sends highly-skilled counselors around the United States and Canada. We help individuals and couples improve their lives to their satisfaction.

Image2Here is a picture of my family…

On my left is my wife, Mary Ann. And that’s our daughter, Chelsea, to my right.

My wife and I have been married for 34 years. Has it been a smooth ride all the way through? No. There have been some tough spots, some very tough. But we applied the same information that is being made available to you here, and each time we did, our marriage improved dramatically.

So enough about me, let’s get on with it… Read more »

54% of Children Ask Google Before Parents or Teachers

While watching the news this morning the following image came across the screen:

 


The majority of kids in this survey indicated they went to Google first before asking their parents or teachers.

Very interesting.

I do have concerns about the validity of surveys conducted these days. If I don’t know the exact questions that were asked, how they were asked, how they found the people to survey, what kind of training did the people conducting the survey have, etc., then I do not fully accept the survey results. I think it’s healthy to be a bit skeptical of surveys.

But moving on, this survey does have a ring of truth to it, doesn’t it. Our kids have moved further away from actual, in-person communication and are more and more immersed in the world of devices. Computers, laptops, iPad, iPods, smart phones, X Boxes, you name it. Use of text messaging has gone into the stratosphere with our kids.

It’s not important to me that it’s 54% of kids 6-15 as I accept the fact that this is a real situation. Read more »

Does Couples Therapy Work?

After reading an article by Elizabeth Weil for the New York Times, I felt compelled to share some important observations with you here. Her article was titled “Does Couples Therapy Work?” Here is a short excerpt:

The fact that couples therapy stresses out therapists has long been an open secret.

“It’s widely acknowledged that couples therapy is the most challenging,” says Richard Simon, editor of The Psychotherapy Networker. “You often feel confused, at odds with a least one of your patients, out of control.”

Part of the problem is that the kind of person who tends to become a therapist — empathic, sensitive, calm, accepting — is generally not the kind of person who is a good couples therapist. “The traditional, passive uh-huh, uh-huh is useless,” Dr. Real, a prominent psychologist, says. “You have to like action. To manage marital combat, a therapist needs to get in there, mix it up with the client, be a ninja. This is intimidating.”

“It’s frightening to be faced with the force of two strong individuals as they are colliding,” he says.

William J. Doherty, a University of Wisconsin professor of family social science, says, “A brilliant therapeutic observation can blow up in your face when one spouse thinks you’re a genius and the other thinks you’re clueless — or worse, allied with the enemy.”

Okay, first things first. A properly trained marriage counselor has absolutely nothing to be afraid of.  If the marriage counselor knows the precise reasons a marriage goes off the rails, fear of what patients may say or do never enters the scene. Read more »

Does Your Child Whine?

Whining jpgFirst things first, let’s decide what whining is and what whining isn’t.

If your baby is hungry, an item of clothing is pinching him, a diaper needs changing, this is different than a toddler sitting in a shopping cart demanding that you buy that candy bar.

We’re talking here about a child who can understand what you’re saying. Now I believe even a baby understands what you’re saying, but we’ll discuss that in another post.

So when your child doesn’t get his or her way and starts whining, what do you do?

Well, of course, you can simply just give in and let the child have whatever it is he wants. When the child whines and we’ve got a ton of things on our mind, we may just go ahead and give in.

I’m not here to tell you that you should “never give in” but I do believe you can get your child’s agreement to change his conduct. Let’s look at an example:

Read more »

More Marriage Quotes…and a Few Personal Thoughts, Part 2

Here’s another interesting piece of advice you’ll find on our marriage quotes page: 

“Ultimately the bond of companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.”

This quote is from Oscar Wilde who was an Irish writer from the late 1800s. One of his accomplishments was the novel “The Picture of Dorian Gray.”

I really like this quote.

When you find conversation is high in a marriage, or any relationship, you’ll usually find a high level of affinity as well. Of course we’re talking about civil conversation here, not two people yelling and screaming at each other. Although some people will tell you that yelling at each other is better than not talking at all.

Read more »

Marriage Counselors…How Can You Tell You’ve Got a Great One?

When your marriage is in trouble, when you suspect infidelity, when things aren’t going well, the last thing you want is a marriage counselor who steers you in the wrong direction. So, how do you know what’s “right” and what’s “wrong” when it comes to working with marriage counselors. Here are some things to keep in mind:

  • If your marriage counselor lets both of you complain on and on about each other, you’re not going to end up with a great result. If the marriage counselor does not know what lies at the bottom of criticism, then the critical thoughts and comments will continue, even after the marriage counseling is “completed.”
  • If your marriage counselor EVER takes sides, this will always produce a non-optimum result.
  • If your marriage counselor ends a marriage counseling session and either of you are upset,  this is not only poor form and unprofessional, it will have a negative impact on the marriage counseling process.
  • Read more »